I remember the morning that I learned
that our first IUI had failed. Even with the slim 10-12% chance that my RE gave
me that it would work, I was so disappointed. The tears began to flow, alone in
my little half bathroom while Berkley waited for her breakfast, where I asked
God to help me get it together. I didn't want to lose any joy or hope. I didn't
want Berkley to see mommy cry. Then, I heard Him whisper, "It's OK to cry, but I can't wait for you to see what I have
planned for you." It wasn't the compassionate and comforting way I was
used to hearing that still, small voice. It was more like the look on my
husband's face and the tone in his voice when he has a surprise for me. I held
on to that moment for a long time. That hope and that promise. And I prayed
that it would one day be very clear what He was referring to.
I was just sure that IUI was going to
be the answer to our problems. I was so sure that I would get pregnant once we
began treatment that I did a Daniel Fast the first 21 days
of 2015, petitioning the Lord- not just for a baby, but for the baby boy I had
desired for as long as I could remember. I thought that getting pregnant soon was a given, since we were
about to begin our first treatment, so I figured that I may as well go for it!
God likes big, specific prayers right? I
prayed a different prayer for my unborn son each of those 21 days. I prayed
that his life would give the Father glory, I prayed that he would lead others to
the Lord. I prayed for his childhood, his relationship with me, my husband, and
his sister, his future wife, his young adult years, his character, his
personality. I even prayed that he would have his daddy's dimple.
After
each failed IUI (6 in total), I was disappointed, but I knew that I was just
one month closer to my answered prayers.
In the hundreds, maybe thousands of
prayers that I have sent up to heaven in the last few years, many of those
included a request for a baby. Almost as many were that my best friend and I
would get to experience pregnancy together again. This friend, let's call her a
sister, was planning her wedding at the same time that I was. She then had her
first baby 7 weeks after I had mine (also with very little trying to get
pregnant). We both had emergency cesareans and gave birth to two little blond
haired, blue eyed angels. Without conspiring about it, we both began trying for
baby number two in the exact same week. Since that week over two years ago, we
lamented together, cried together, prayed for each other, praised Him together,
thanked Him together, questioned Him together, but mostly grew in faith
together as we waited for our babies. Neither of us had a diagnosis. Both of us
had failed IUIs and a miscarriage.
Let's just say that it doesn't take a prophet or a genius to
see that the Lord made us friends for a reason. That He wanted us to take this
walk together. So, while we both prayed for our little miracles, we also
prayed that we would receive them at the same time.
I once read that God loves to jump out
and surprise you. That He waits behind corners, in anticipation of the perfect
moment, to surprise you with the best gifts, so that you will not be able to
mistake His hand in the miracle. Now I see what the Spirit meant when He told
me He couldn't wait to show me what He had up His sleeve.
I am
20 weeks pregnant (from a no-treatment cycle) with the baby boy that I prayed
and fasted for. We actually found out that it was a boy EXACTLY a year after that fast. AND my best friend, my sister? Yeah, she's 13 weeks pregnant as
well. Also, without any treatment. Also with a baby boy. That's 7 weeks behind
me JUST LIKE OUR FIRST PREGNANCIES four years ago. After over two years of
secondary unexplained infertility, we are rejoicing TOGETHER in these miracles
and praising Him for His crazy, beautiful, sovereign, incredible ways.
I speak for both of us when I say that
this is an experience and a whole lot of answered prayers that we will carry
with us for the rest of our lives. We will look back and see Him in all of it.
He hears you! So, don't be afraid
to ask for the big and the crazy and the impossible and any little details in
between! He loves to wait behind a corner, in anticipation of the perfect
moment, to jump out and answer your prayers. Give Him all the details and all the
specifics so that He can have all the glory. He wants to show you that He hears, that He loves, that He gives good
gifts to His children.
