Wednesday, February 10, 2016

He Hears!

I remember the morning that I learned that our first IUI had failed. Even with the slim 10-12% chance that my RE gave me that it would work, I was so disappointed. The tears began to flow, alone in my little half bathroom while Berkley waited for her breakfast, where I asked God to help me get it together. I didn't want to lose any joy or hope. I didn't want Berkley to see mommy cry. Then, I heard Him whisper, "It's OK to cry, but I can't wait for you to see what I have planned for you." It wasn't the compassionate and comforting way I was used to hearing that still, small voice. It was more like the look on my husband's face and the tone in his voice when he has a surprise for me. I held on to that moment for a long time. That hope and that promise. And I prayed that it would one day be very clear what He was referring to.

I was just sure that IUI was going to be the answer to our problems. I was so sure that I would get pregnant once we began treatment that I did a Daniel Fast the first 21 days of 2015, petitioning the Lord- not just for a baby, but for the baby boy I had desired for as long as I could remember. I thought that getting pregnant soon was a given, since we were about to begin our first treatment, so I figured that I may as well go for it! God likes big, specific prayers right? I prayed a different prayer for my unborn son each of those 21 days. I prayed that his life would give the Father glory, I prayed that he would lead others to the Lord. I prayed for his childhood, his relationship with me, my husband, and his sister, his future wife, his young adult years, his character, his personality.  I even prayed that he would have his daddy's dimple.

After each failed IUI (6 in total), I was disappointed, but I knew that I was just one month closer to my answered prayers.

In the hundreds, maybe thousands of prayers that I have sent up to heaven in the last few years, many of those included a request for a baby. Almost as many were that my best friend and I would get to experience pregnancy together again. This friend, let's call her a sister, was planning her wedding at the same time that I was. She then had her first baby 7 weeks after I had mine (also with very little trying to get pregnant). We both had emergency cesareans and gave birth to two little blond haired, blue eyed angels. Without conspiring about it, we both began trying for baby number two in the exact same week. Since that week over two years ago, we lamented together, cried together, prayed for each other, praised Him together, thanked Him together, questioned Him together, but mostly grew in faith together as we waited for our babies. Neither of us had a diagnosis. Both of us had failed IUIs and a miscarriage. 

Let's just say that it doesn't take a prophet or a genius to see that the Lord made us friends for a reason. That He wanted us to take this walk together. So, while we both prayed for our little miracles, we also prayed that we would receive them at the same time.

I once read that God loves to jump out and surprise you. That He waits behind corners, in anticipation of the perfect moment, to surprise you with the best gifts, so that you will not be able to mistake His hand in the miracle. Now I see what the Spirit meant when He told me He couldn't wait to show me what He had up His sleeve.

I am 20 weeks pregnant (from a no-treatment cycle) with the baby boy that I prayed and fasted for. We actually found out that it was a boy EXACTLY a year after that fast. AND my best friend, my sister? Yeah, she's 13 weeks pregnant as well. Also, without any treatment. Also with a baby boy. That's 7 weeks behind me JUST LIKE OUR FIRST PREGNANCIES four years ago. After over two years of secondary unexplained infertility, we are rejoicing TOGETHER in these miracles and praising Him for His crazy, beautiful, sovereign, incredible ways.

I speak for both of us when I say that this is an experience and a whole lot of answered prayers that we will carry with us for the rest of our lives. We will look back and see Him in all of it.

He hears you!  So, don't be afraid to ask for the big and the crazy and the impossible and any little details in between! He loves to wait behind a corner, in anticipation of the perfect moment, to jump out and answer your prayers. Give Him all the details and all the specifics so that He can have all the glory. He wants to show you that He hears, that He loves, that He gives good gifts to His children.

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